THE BUMRUSH

...as well as your DVD player, TV and the Vice Presidential Office.

Well, it’s about damn time. Chuck Norris and game publisher Gameloft have announced plans for a Chuck Norris mobile video game called Chuck Norris' Bring On the Pain. From the press release:

Play as either Ranger Chuck or Commando Chuck as he battles the combined forces of Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-il to defeat Communism here and abroad, with all of the subtlety of a Chuck Norris powerhouse takedown. But the enemy isn't the only one feeling the wrath of Chuck, as totally destructible environments allow Chuck to punch down houses with his fists or raze whole forests with his gun.

His gun? Chuck Norris doesn’t need a gun to rip down forests, my friends.

And while we all patiently wait for “Bring on the Pain,” we can ease the pain of our pathetic lives with a little Walker, Texas Ranger marathon. That’s right, Walker, Texas Ranger: Season Five is now out on DVD for your viewing pleasure. The only thing better than watching Norris hand out some old fashioned Texas justice to criminals is watching him hand out some old fashion American justice to commies...

Speaking of that, make sure you catch the Missing in Action marathon on AMC this week: (Thanks to the Pittsburgh Post Gazette for the descriptions):

• Missing in Action '84. Chuck Norris. A U.S. colonel escapes from the Viet Cong, then comes back with a floating arsenal to get others out. (R)
• Missing in Action 2: The Beginning '85. Chuck Norris. An American colonel held prisoner by sadistic Vietnamese makes a bid for freedom for himself and his fellow POWs. (R)
• Braddock: Missing in Action III '88. Chuck Norris. A U.S. colonel returns to Vietnam and fights his way out with his wife, son and Amerasian orphans. (R)

The season 5 release of WTR actually reminded me of that old Conan skit: The Walker Texas Ranger Lever.

Labels: chuck norris, television, video games