Wednesday, May 31, 2006 

A Sunday Drive with Nolte


Nick Nolte’s full of piss and gum
Specialized equipment to change his blood
In order to gain nutrients and lose the drugs
Too bad he’ll just buy more
Cars are more fun to drive
When the road is blurry
And the white line can’t stop talking
About your fabulous job in Breakfast of Champions
And why you didn’t want to be Indiana Jones
For godsakes, that’s a fucking role of a lifetime,
instead you whore yourself out to movies
that lack the soul that you once had
Prostitutes charge by the hour

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006 

The Chuck Norris Week Finale

Let’s end the first Chuck Norris week with a few more sweet Chuck Norris facts and a tribute to the man with the hardest working beard in Hollywood.

It’s the always popular, Top 100 Facts about Chuck Norris:

  • Objects in Chuck Norris's rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances.
  • Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
  • The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide.
  • Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
  • Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

And finally, other Chuck Norris:

The Chuck Norris Worthiness Test (damn awesome)

Chuck Norris: Attack of the Massacre Ninjas on Transbuddha (flash game)

Or, Chuck Norris on Conan O’Brien

Chuck Norris Fighting For Everyone Who Can't Fight Back

Strangest link related to Chuck Norris (other than what you're reading?) How about this video?

Chuck Norris' IMDb page

And The Official Chuck Norris Website (get a free poster when you order a total gym - what an offer! Chuck on my wall? Sign me up!)

And that's enough Norris for me...

Peace.

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Thursday, May 25, 2006 

Tribute to Young Chuck Norris!

It's Young Chuck Norris... Legend has it that he walks among us even now. A dreamer.

A tribute to Master Norris! Chuck! Norris!

The SNL Short about the Young Chuck Norris!



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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 

Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee

Since the Pimp threw out a sweet Chuck Norris/Bruce Lee picture, I thouht I'd go the whole nine yards and find the video (anything's possible on the Internet, oh ya). So, here it is. The video quality is crap, so I guess everything isn't possible. Yet. But it's still 100% Norris (pre-beard, which is funny because I always thought he was born with it).




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An Ode To Norris, Because We All Owe Norris.

Chuck Norris
Don't mess with Chuck.
He will not hesitate,
He will not wait,
He will kick you.
*
Roundhouse kick.
*
and then it is over,
and then it is done.
Chuck has beaten you,
Chuck has won.
Chuck has beaten you,
in a fight you didn't even know you were in.


This Just In:
Chuck Norris moves faster than the speed of sound; but that is moot, because sound won't even get within 10 feet of him anyways.

If we could look into the center of the universe, we would see Chuck Norris looking back at us.

In "Return of the Dragon," Bruce lee and Chuck Norris didn't intend to fight in ruins.. That was actually Osaka, Japan; But they mistakenly demolished THE ENTIRE CITY rehersing the fight scenes for the film!

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 

Chuck Norris Facts - Live!

A video of Chuck Norris reading some of his facts Norrisly on the Best Damn Sports Show. What can you say, he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris!




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Chuck Norris Week

All this talk about Chuck Norris gotten the old wangitude all tingly, so I decided to the start the first ever Chuck Norris week at the Bumrush. Yes, all Chuck, all the time. Now that is a slogan I can get behind. Let's start off by bringing some video, I remember this like it happened yesterday.

Yes, it's Chuck Norris, starring in The Chuck Norris' Karate Kommandos, starring Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris! It's Ok, Kids! I'm Chuck Norris!



Chuck Norris!



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Sunday, May 21, 2006 

Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris, the man, the myth, the legend, is all over the Internet. If you have not been to Chuck Norris Facts, stop reading this and go there now. It is simply balls out, the most undisputable facts about Chuck Norris, such as:

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

You can also check out the random Chuck Norris fact site, including some gems.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

Or, even better, how about some Biggs original Chuck Norris facts (guaranteed to be as good as the original thing).

The moon isn't circling the Earth, it's running away from Chuck Norris.

The United Nations was created to talk Chuck Norris out of destroying entire counties. Remember Bukharan? I thought so.

The only reason Chuck Norris created the Internet was so that Walker Texas Ranger could be seen from anywhere in the world. He then roundhouse kicked Al Gore in the face so hard it gave him a beard.

You can’t get blood from a stone. Because Chuck Norris has taken it already.

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Saturday, May 20, 2006 

LeCar:LeCrap/SneakyNinjaHaiku

Hey there guyz and galz, it's me: The Pimp Daddy. Sadly, Most of you out there have never heard of me, and that is because I have been on a road trip for the last three years. A road trip that I mistakenly took in my LeCar (word of advice: don't take a road trip in a LeCar). Anyways, let's talk poetry for a minute; let's talk Haiku. 5. 7. 5. Three separate statements, that together form a larger picture. Simple, and efficient; much like my LeCar (or so the ads said). Whilest traveling the country in said EconoCar, I created a new form of Haiku, the "Sneaky Ninja Haiku." (I had the time.. more on that later..) SNHaiku has been sweeping the nation (no lie! [or is it?]) and now, I will unleash it upon the world (and by "the world"; I mean you, the lucky reader of this blog). Without further ado, witness the assualt to your senses known as Sneaky Ninja Haiku (tm)!

A pain in my back.
A sword slices right through me.
don't make ninja mad.

Hai-Yaa! Kung-Fu kick.
Watch as my face bleeds alot.
Damn, sneaky ninjas.

Me vs. ninja.
I know that I will not win.
So, I will not fight.

I watch the T.V.
Ninja trains for many years.
I am so, so, dead.

Well, at least I was able to create this form of Haiku on my LeCar journeys.. Because, even though I was able to get a whopping 40MPG with my LeCar.. it LeBrokeDown in Nevada, and I was LeStuckThere for the last 3 Years. This should be LeCar's new slogan: "LeCar: Drive your Creativity.. Until it leaves you stranded in Nevada for 3 friggin' years!" ..No really, I'm not bitter that I lost 3 years of my life.. Seriously. (Okay, maybe I am.. slightly.. fine, fine.. I'll admit it.. I'm a ticking timebomb of fury. LeCar=LeCrap. 'Nuff Said.)

-Don'tCallItAComebackIWasInNevadaForYears... ThePimpDaddy.

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Kick It

It's the fricken Bumrush. Now Kick It, flash style!

A shout out to Burlesque Design for the slick design (why they did it? Who knows.)

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Thursday, May 18, 2006 

The Moxie Panzer Tank Project

I had an email conversation with one of the bombastic orginal BUMRUSHers (BOBs); the P.I.M.P. The conversation rose to the occasion and then blew the doors right off the occasion, so it's clearly worthly of this site. (And we've had some worthy stuff, indeed). Hopefully we'll soon be hearing more from the Pimp Daddy (or whatever he's calling himself these days). He's got some good stuff up his sleeve. We'll see.

My relevant part...

How's that homemade panzer tank project working out for you? I
didn't think a tank could be made out of scotch tape and Moxie cans, but
your gonna show them...


The Pimp's Response...

yes... the MPTP, hasn't quit been living up to the dream, sadly...
I mean, sure, I did create a fully functioning panzer tank made
entirely out of Moxie cans and scotch tape, but there were a few things i
didn't think of in the initial planning of said MPT:

1. you CANNOT wash out the smell of Moxie, nomatter how hard you try...
when "you've got Moxie!" (TM), I guess you really do "got Moxie"
4-Life.. as 2-sweeeeet K-Nash and R-Ramon would say.

2. I never fully drew out the plans to make the "Minute Maid Cannon"
fully functional... (and yes, I know.. why mix minute maid with a MPT?
well, 2 reasons: A. If people see a MPT coming thier way, and see a
logo for minute maid on it, they will be confused, and confusion is a
useful tactic in SodaWarfare. B. I like Minute Maid, much, much better than
that weird tropicana soda.. wha was tropican thinking anyways..
sheesh.) So yeah, I have a "MPT /W Optional MMC" ..but.. the cannon doesn't
even work.. it just sits atop the MPT lookin' smooth.. (that's not such
a bad thing though.. toolin' around town in a MPT/MMC ain't nothin' to
squak at, knowwhati'msayin'?)

3. Scotch tape... not so much a heavy duty adhesive. I think if I make
more vehicles of SodaWarfare.. I may be switching to something more
durable.. packing tape perhaps? who know's.. maybe i'll even drop the
large bills and got straight to the top.. DUCT TAPE!

yes, so as you can see.. I have learned alot in my foray into
SodaWarfare... Though my first creation the much bally-hooed MPT/MMC left much
to be desired, fear not good lad, I have devised a new device that will
put the MPT/MMC to shame.. I have started work on the new, the amazing,
the incredible: RC Cola Stealth Figher With Optional Cherry Coke
Missles. (it's code name is: RCSF-Cherry-Red.) ..I will spare no expense with
this project.. DUCT TAPE; RC COLA (cans, 1 and 2 liter bottles); CHERRY
COKE 2 Liters; and the secret ingredient.. MAYPLE SYRUP!

Indeed, The RCSF-Cherry-Red will be a sight to behold.

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A World Record for the Common Man

In case you were wondering,



Radhakant Bajpai of Naya Ganj is the new world record holder for longest ear hair. Man, I remember when the Guinness Book of World Records actually meant something. Those two fat twins on their little mopeds and the tiniest husband and wife combo sitting in their giant chair. Today, they’re just give these world records out.

And what does Radhakant have to say for himself?

"Making it to Guinness World Records is indeed a special occasion for me and my family," said Radhakant. "God has been very kind to me."

Indeed Radhakant. Indeed.

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006 

As seen at the Stadium


More fun at FansOnBonds

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Saturday, May 13, 2006 

The Word of Biggs: Connery

Connery

Connery, the sexy Scottish wanker
Ages like a wine
He's stood the test of time
His body still so fine

He's Connery, the Rising Sun
Bond, Ramirez, John Connor (not that one)
King Arthur, King Richard, King Agamemnon
And a dripping hot beast named Draco

He's Bald and proud
It's in his head
The ladies have no choice
When he speaks with that funny voice

You'd better call him sir,
The Professer Henry Jones
He drinks from a leather glove
And tunes you up with his thumb

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Wednesday, May 10, 2006 

The Worst Poetry in History of Anywhere in Time

Like me, you may have asked yourself at one time or another, who is the worst poet of all-time? In that case, I urge you explore McGonagall Online and the wonder that is the The Tay Bridge Disaster. But, really, is this the worst poem of all time? ... upon further review, it's bad.

The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

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Sunday, May 07, 2006 

The Spirit of America

It's Little Debbie's new Spirit of America snack cakes! Yes, I always knew that the spirit of America was made up of cream filling. Mmmm, obesity. It tastes so good...


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Fricken Voltron
Much like a shape-changing giant mecha robot, our powers are indeed mighty when combined


About The Men

  • "Getting in shape for this role, which is incredibly demanding, vocally, has been a lot of hard work, but I'm nailing it. I'm even kind of, at times, blowing my own mind, because I am even able to talk right now."
    -David Hasselhoff
  • "In December, I am going to Vietnam with my favorite charity, Wheels for Humanity."
    -David Hasselhoff
  • See us Nude! Biggs, or Maximus, or the Pimp Daddy



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