THE BUMRUSH

It was a sad day last week when the world lost the great Patrick Swayze to pancreatic cancer. There were few actors in the 80‘s and 90’s with the insane range of roles that Swayze had. From a bank robbing surfer, to a dancing instructor at a camp in the 60’s, to a Chippendale dancer, to the best fucking cleaner in the business. Swayze could do it all.



“All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice. “

Labels: movies, news

Watch Bill Bixby get his man on while a little Garbage plays in the background.

Labels: bill bixby, television

Labels: celebrities

Maybe you loved the first Transformers movie. Or maybe like me, you were disappointed with every single part of the movie other than the huge giant robots. But it doesn't really matter, because the second installment is 10 days away and everyone is in the mood to give away free stuff.

That most definitely includes Linkin Park, who wants to give you a custom Fender Squier guitar in honor of their new single that will appear on the movie's soundtrack.

This one will take a little work (something I'm usually against) but USA TODAY wants you to design a brand-new Transformer for them. The winner will get... uh.. interviewed by the paper? I guess.

MovieSet is giving away the Transformers Xbox game as well as an Optimus Prime Deluxe Action Figure.

The good stuff: Hot Topic (my clothing store of choice) wants to send you and a friend - provided you have one -to the premiere of Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen in LA on June 26th.

Labels: movies

A bumrush goodbye to our favorite lunch pail actor in the movie making business today, David Carradine, who died on June 3rd while filming a movie in Thailand. While the final cause of death has not been officially released, it's likey that he died the way every warm blooded movie star should go: hanging naked in a closet with a rope tied around his neck and penis after a failed attempt at auto-erotic asphyxiation.

That's only one of the reasons why we love David Carradine. Despite the Bruce Lee-was-created-the-idea-for-Kung-Fu-controversy, Carradine took the original Kung Fu television series, owned it, and parlayed that into a career full of movies and television appearances that almost no one can remember other than the Kill Bill movies. The man made movies the way I eat: fast, dirty, and immediately onto something else.

Labels: carradine, David Carradine, movies, television

Bill Bixby acting silly and screwing up scenes. The Youtube title says it is from The Incredible Hulk, but it looks like the outakes are from various Bixby productions. It's still all Bixby and all good.

Labels: 70's, 80's, bill bixby, television

I bought some sweet aviator sunglasses the other day. When I tried them on for my wife, she said I looked like Erik Estrada.

Yikes.

Labels: 70's, television

According to this article, “toilet paper researchers” at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute have recently created the world’s first 3-ply toilet-paper. Yes, that is correct. There are such things as toilet paper researchers and they have been busy like Frankenstein making obscene toilet-paper creations in their horrible labs. It actually reminds me of this old Onion article: Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades

We quietly await to hear news about the world’s first 4-ply toilet-paper...

Labels: humor, news, nonsense

The Financial Times recently reported that Nintendo generated more profit per employee in 2007 than any other company in the world, including Google and Goldman Sachs. Nintendo made $1.6 million per employee last year, compared to $1.2 million for Goldman Sachs and just over $600,000 for Google. Nintendo is certainly helped by the fact that they outsource a lot of their production and only employ about 3,000 workers.

The average salary at Nintendo: $90,000. Now might be a good time to ask for that raise.

Labels: video games

7. Batman & Robin (1997) – After years of therapy, I’ve successfully blocked most of this movie from my memories, but I sort of remember something about nipples and some kind of weird love triangle involving Poison Ivy. There might have been an albino Arnold Schwarzenegger running around somewhere in this mess too, I don’t care to delve any deeper. Plus, some strong demerits for this movie for effectively destroying Hollywood comic book movies for the next 5 years.

Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom.

6. Batman Forever (1995) – I was pretty excited when I heard that Jim Carrey was going to be starring in this movie as the Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones is a solid professional too, right? Unfortunately, Joel Schumacher took a large, stinking crap on the franchise turning it into a joke and removing everything serious and believable out of the series. Batman Forever plays like a bad parody of a comic book movie. I haven’t seen this movie in years, but the thing I remember most about this movie is Tommy Lee Jones doing some serious overacting as Two Face. Even as a teenager I thought that character was ridiculous.

5. Batman: The Movie – POW! BAM! Adam West as Batman. Hey, it was total camp, but it was a hell of a lot more fun than Joel Schumacher’s Batman. Bonus points for always having the four villains (Joker, Riddler, Penquin, and Catwoman) hanging out and scheming against Batman and Robin together like they were old friends. I always enjoyed that.

4. Batman Returns (1992) – I’m not a fan of the Penguin as a Batman villain, usually because he sucks in pretty much every way imaginable and is a complete loser. But, hey, Danny DeVito played him to a T. And Michelle Pfeiffer was smoking hot as Catwoman – you cannot convince me otherwise of that. The plot of the movie is a little strange due to its focus on the Penguin and him running for major, but I could watch Catwoman all day and be happy.

3. Batman (1989) – Say Batman and Batman Returns were never made by Tim Burton. They never existed. Then you told me that you were going to make a Batman movie and cast Michael Keaton as Batman. I would probably kick you in the balls and mercilessly taunt you to the end of existence. But hey, it worked. Keaton was a hell of a good Batman. And of course, until Heath Ledger one upped him, Nicholson’s Joker defined what a Batman villain was supposed to be.

2. Batman Begins (2005) – I’m a sucker for superhero origin stories (Superman, Spiderman, I even liked the beginning of the Fantastic Four until it went to suck) and Batman Begins delivered on all aspects of how Batman... uh... began. Seeing the beginnings of the bat cave and all the bat tools was pretty sweet as well. Plus, if there was an actor born to play Batman, it was Christian Bale, who even pulls off Bruce Wayne as well as Batman. The movies only demerits are for Katie Homes as Rachel Dawes. And the scarecrow was kind of a wuss.

1. The Dark Knight (2008) – I don’t see how a better Batman movie could be made. It had an incredible story, solid-to-spectacular performances all around (the only weak link being Maggie Gyllenhaal – who was meh), emotion, and action throughout the entire movie. Bonus points for being really funny in parts too, which many a Batman has tried with so-so results.

Labels: comics, movies, top 5

...wants you to take a picture of him.

Labels: hasselhoff, hoff

The Dark Knight is a record setting movie in more ways than one.

Through its second weekend in theaters, the Dark Knight has already made $314 million domestically – including hauling in $75.6 million over this past weekend, which put it way ahead of Step Brothers ($30.1 million) and Momma Mia ($17.7 million) in the top spot.

Interestingly, it took Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull 67 days to make what the new batman film has done in 10. It set a record for best second-weekend gross. And the Dark Knight has also become the quickest movie to reach $300 million – 10 days - beating out the old record holder, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, by 6 days.

Next stop - $400 million and possibly on its way to becoming the first movie this decade to make $500 million domestically.

Labels: box office, movies, news

Megan Fox is hot, I won’t lie to you. It remains to be seen how talented she is, but expect to see her everywhere the rest of 2008 and 2009. Including this little slice of hell.



Best Movie: Transformers. Was Transformers high art? Hell no. Was it fun? Yes. And to my surprise, Megan Fox was actually decent in it. Unlike many other “wet blanket” wives/girlfriends/hot pieces of ass in action movies, her character actually added something to the movie. Something very little, but hey, it was more than I was expecting. She even had some good chemistry with noted drunk driver and co-star Shia LaBeouf. Most importantly, she was smoking hot at all times, which had to be the main point of her character.



Worst Movie: Transformers. Were you aware that Megan Fox has only been in one movie? Well, two if you count How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, which has premiered at Cains but is coming to the US in the fall.

She’s done a lot of TV, including a series called Ocean Ave, which I swear has the lowest IMDB user rating that I’ve ever seen (1.1). Even “Manos: The Hands of Fate” managed to snag a 1.8 user rating.

But, this is perfect, because as much as I loved Transformers, I hated it as well. It was hands down, my most anticipated movie of the year last year. I’m not a huge Michael Bay fan (with the exception of the Rock, which is awesome, probably due to Sean Connery’s involvement) so I was a little worried, but I thought, hey at least the guy can do action.

And Bay did pull off the action in the Transformers. The stuff going on between the Autobots and Decepticons rocked the house. Optimus Prime was fantastic and Megatron was sufficiently badass. All the Transformers looked really good too.

But holy crap, the non-Transformers storyline was horrible, specifically the stuff with the soldiers. Why waste 45 minutes on a bad war movie in a story about GIANT FRICKING ROBOTS. And why is this group of 20 soldiers taking on a Decepticon mano-a-mano. Oh, and look, Megan Fox is fighting Decepticons now. Ok, Autobots, I guess you can go on vacation, Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox and some soldiers have it all under control...

But, I digress.



Random Internet Fact: Megan Fox appears to be a freak. She tells FHM:

I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy, my sex drive is so high. I’d rather have sex all the time than leave the house.”

Megan is also showing off her breasts in her upcoming movie, Jennifer's Body. Well, most of them anyway. And she has a large amount of ridiculous tattoos all over her body – a clear indication that she likes to experiment with unusual things…

Have I mentioned that I’m unusual?

Labels: girls, movies

With Comic-Con in full swing, there is new Terminator Salvation gossip abound.

First, lucky guests at Comic-Con got a sneak peak at new footage of the film, which stars Christian Bale and explores the Terminator world after that famous nuclear holocaust. Also, via Filmonic, it appears that Jonathan Nolan, brother of Chris and writer on the Dark Knight, has been confirmed as the lead writer on Terminator Salvation. Good news indeed.

Here is Firstshowing's first hand description of Comic-Con and the what went down during the Terminator panel. Looks like news also got out about the new Terminator possibly being rated R rather than PG-13, which is great news for Terminator fanboys, but probably not so good for merchandizers.

The Terminator Teaser:

Labels: movies, news, sci fi

As a follow-up to the last Bixby clip, here is another video about David Banner turning into the Hulk for a ridiculous reason...

I DON'T HAVE 25 CENTS!

Labels: bill bixby, hulk, humor, television

I was pretty excited when I spotted this headline: Dwarf checked in as luggage at Stockholm airport

But my jubilation turned to disappointment when I saw that the act turned out to be a prank for a local television show. I so wanted to believe that there was some extremely cheap dwarf out there who wanted to save a few bucks on his vacation to the Greek Islands and thought he came up with a brilliant scheme.

However, my disappointment turned back into excitement when I found out that the television show that pulled this prank is called “Balls of Steel.” Really. Upon further investigation, there is actually a spin-off of Balls of Steal called “Massive Balls of Steel.”

People may complain about the dumbing down of US television, but last I checked, we don’t have a show called Massive Balls of Steel. We do, however, have it’s cousin: The Steve Wilkos Show.

Labels: nonsense, perverson, television

Time to plan that trip to new York. New York's Museum of Sex (MoSex for short) is currently exhibiting "Sex Lives of Animals," which is a "comprehensive and uncensored look at animal mating habits."

According to this article, some of the "art" pieces you can expect are:

"Deer Threesome'' catches Bambi in a three-way with two amorous stags. Then there's "Gay Dolphin Blow-Hole Sex,'' in which a fin substitutes for the penis. Both partners look happy.

Sorry, you'll have to go to Bloomberg.com for pictures. Also part of the exhibit are "Bonobo Exchanging Food for Sex" and "GG-Rubbing Bonobos." The don't know what a Bonobo is, but he sounds like a happy guy.

Labels: perverson

There are a number of good reasons why David Banner would turn into the Hulk – I remember a lot of the time it would be because he was shot or being beat up or something. But, not always. As the person who posted this video put it:

Usually when Dr David Banner changes into the Hulk, it is because of danger of death, extreme pain or fear. However, there have been some occasions when the transformation is triggered by something mundane we can all identify with, something I personally love...

...something like a traffic jam.

Labels: 80's, bill bixby, hulk, television

Nothing gets me all lathered up like a good inspirational poster. It makes my day brighter, puts a spring in my step, and reminds me not to shoot a rocket launcher into a group of my friends. All good things to remember.

Labels: perverson

...as well as your DVD player, TV and the Vice Presidential Office.

Well, it’s about damn time. Chuck Norris and game publisher Gameloft have announced plans for a Chuck Norris mobile video game called Chuck Norris' Bring On the Pain. From the press release:

Play as either Ranger Chuck or Commando Chuck as he battles the combined forces of Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-il to defeat Communism here and abroad, with all of the subtlety of a Chuck Norris powerhouse takedown. But the enemy isn't the only one feeling the wrath of Chuck, as totally destructible environments allow Chuck to punch down houses with his fists or raze whole forests with his gun.

His gun? Chuck Norris doesn’t need a gun to rip down forests, my friends.

And while we all patiently wait for “Bring on the Pain,” we can ease the pain of our pathetic lives with a little Walker, Texas Ranger marathon. That’s right, Walker, Texas Ranger: Season Five is now out on DVD for your viewing pleasure. The only thing better than watching Norris hand out some old fashioned Texas justice to criminals is watching him hand out some old fashion American justice to commies...

Speaking of that, make sure you catch the Missing in Action marathon on AMC this week: (Thanks to the Pittsburgh Post Gazette for the descriptions):

• Missing in Action '84. Chuck Norris. A U.S. colonel escapes from the Viet Cong, then comes back with a floating arsenal to get others out. (R)
• Missing in Action 2: The Beginning '85. Chuck Norris. An American colonel held prisoner by sadistic Vietnamese makes a bid for freedom for himself and his fellow POWs. (R)
• Braddock: Missing in Action III '88. Chuck Norris. A U.S. colonel returns to Vietnam and fights his way out with his wife, son and Amerasian orphans. (R)

The season 5 release of WTR actually reminded me of that old Conan skit: The Walker Texas Ranger Lever.

Labels: chuck norris, television, video games