THE BUMRUSH

A little something crazy from the archives of Cocksman Creek:


Arturo Fonzarelli

Fonzie in real time:

"Bitch, put down my J.D.!

So I banged ya sista...

Ayyyyy - Yo! Bitches."

A dirty nursery rhyme away,

From Joey Buttafuoco,

To Andy Dice Clay.

In the nexus, there is Fonz.

Sanitized: "Ayyyyy!"

Labels: bumrush

I recently received an email from blog co-contributor, Maximus. Like most of his verbal and non-verbal exchanges, it began with the threat of violence:

We've been playing a little phone tag. I'm gonna play some aluminum bat tag with your face

Pleasant intro, huh? Now, typically, when someone threatens me (which happens a lot, just trust me) I don’t get scared because I’m like Steven Segal with the slow-mo kung-fu action. But the Maximus’s threat is particularly laughable because I know for a fact that he swings a bat like he’s catching butterflies with his sister. Maybe if I could put my face on a little league baseball tee, he might have a shot at it, but he’d likely be swinging a wiffleball bat or the aforementioned butterfly net. You know… something he likes to get his hands around. Like a penis.

It hurts because it’s true.

-Biggs

Labels: maximus

Mr T, can't you see
Its not the time for you to flee

So your roles have gone away
and you've seen a better day

Like when you were an A-Team king
With gold chains and gold rings

Tank tops and mohawks were all the rage
You wore tight shorts in your Rocky Days

But Stallone was the fall of you
Because his Yo's overtook your Fool's

Soon your career went very cold
and all your money was spent on gold

No one wanted you to act
and they could hardly take your flak

But don't lose hope, Mr T
You'll always have a fan in me

Even though you're broke and missed
You fill my life with utter bliss

Labels: bumrush

I know a guy. Well, I know many guys… but not in that way. This post is about that guy… the one from the first sentence. He’s a comedian in the area by the name of Brian Brinegar. And now I’m going to cipher his comedic wit in the name of PROGRESS!!! Wait, not progress. In the name of a shout-out, as it were.

In addition to his material being blogjacked, Brian is also the proud owner of a small little plot right off the information superhighway. Just take a left after the world’s crappiest website. The genius that follows is all his.

Hey folks!! just for fun, I figured I would reincarnate something from my high school days.... these are called would you rathers....
If you absolutely HAD TO one of these things, which would you rather do...

1. snip your finger nails too close or
2. bite your tongue until it bleeds....

see? easy huh? not so bad....I go for the fingernails...
ok next one....

would you rather....

1. watch the last person to dump you have sex with their new person or.....
2. watch your parents do it...

ok a bit rougher now

would you rather....

1. hole punch one nostril or
2. have that piece of skin under your tongue snipped

would you rather....

1. watch your dad jerk off or
2. have your grandma watch you masturbate...

would you rather....

1. Clean a public toilet with your tongue or
2. Drink a cup of vomit (8 ounces)

I couldn’t put it better myself. Let me also say that I appreciate the clear and exact description of the last would you rather, which really help put the image in my head. Mmmm, vomit. More of Brian at myspace.

Instantaneous communication, global economy, ah, yeah that's great and all. But the best thing about the Internet? Finding gems like this...







A shoutout to the aply named You can't fuck with Cockbeast's Journal for the link to that beut.

Mardi Gras is exhibit 1 that everyone - at least everyone willing to head down to New Orleans and hang at Burbon Street in Feburary - enjoys a good flash. Hell, I'm one of those people. I'm enthusasitcally one of those people. But when one of those flashers is a hottie who currently occupies my top 5 list, whooo baby. Even though it didn't happen recently, I've gots to link it, at the very least so I can periodically look at it at work.

Labels: girls

Pimp Limp

Talk to the man
while shaking my hand
Don't disrespect the Pimp

Bitches and hoes
are what I knows
watch me walk with a limp

I need 50 in crack
to keep dem bitches on stack
before I kick you, gimp.

Labels: bumrush