THE BUMRUSH

As stated well by hypebot, Today Is They Day We Find Out If Bloggers Can Influence The iTunes Charts. Yes, as I've written before, go Bumrush the charts on itunes and buy "Mine Again" by the band San Francisco band Black Lab. Let's show those big music labels that bloggers have power too. We have power.

Labels: bumrush, music, shoutouts

At THE BUMRUSH, we are for anything labeled "bumrush" and we are for awesome poetry. So, I was pretty excited when I came across a poem called "after the bumrush". Here are the first two stanzas of the poem:

She rallied herself in the a.m.
to see him, tussled and still
reeling from the eve's consumption,
she knew if she didn't arrive he'd be blue.

One shoe on, then two, haranguing
through metro doors and howling
trains. Schlepping stairs. Pressing
hard against cold winter air

Take a look at the whole thing and let us know, is it worthy of the bumrush recommendation?

Labels: bumrush, shoutouts

Hopefully, the Pimp Daddy will hit us up with some his masterful ninja haiku soon, but until then, a little shoutout to a website called the footnote and their ninja haiku slam. Here are a couple of their ninja haikus.

Labels: bumrush, ninjas, pimp daddy

A classic from the old BUMRUSH website. I hope you enjoy as much as I do.

I once knew a girl that I liked
just because she had big boobies
I really couldn't talk to her face
cause I had to get up in those scoobies

But I never got a chance
she thought that I was a hellion
and I ended up in a trance
when I caught a melon

But she shot me with a Wession
so let me be your tutor
and this can be your lession
being nutered with a gun
is anything but fun.

Labels: bumrush, girls

Another one of the Maximus' gems. Maybe he'll get up off his ass soon and write some new poetry. The fucker thinks just cuase he's getting married means that he can jerk it instead of writing the Bumrush... Anyway, onto the work of Maximus.

Streetfighter

I'm a Streetfighter baby
That's my game
I do it for money
I do it for fame
You're crying' baby, ain't it a shame
But I'm Superman
We're one in the same

You don't have to worry cuz
I ain't gonna lose
So shut yo bitch mouth and pour me some booze
Those fuckin' punks, yeah, they fall when I choose
Now get over here and let me squeeze that good luck caboose

I'm a Streetfighter baby
It's how I pay the bills
Some fools can't do it
But I sure as hell will
You know me baby, I gots the skills
I'm a fighter through and through, I love
And I kill

Labels: bumrush, maximus

Here is a classic from the Maximus. Enjoy.

Ode to Leather Jackets and Talking Cars

Michael, Michael, where are you?
I don't remember telling you to shoo
I turn the tv to seventeen
Still you're nowhere to be seen

Where is Devon? Where is Bonnie?
You know I mean the brunette hottie.
Most important you son of a bitch
What the hell you do with Kitt?

Hasselhoff, once you had it all
I guess that Baywatch was your fall
Soaking up the rays with Pam
Made you think you were the man

The sun must have gotten to you head
Cuz your days of fightin' crime are dead
You used to talk to your sweet black car
But now you gander from afar
As everyone else is living the life of a star
And you just suck.

Dumbass.

Labels: bumrush, hasselhoff, hoff, maximus

A set of unrelated activities brought me down a twisted path to the video below. It is clearly the best display of juggling ever witnessed by humans. Fuck clowns, this is what juggling is about.

Four interesting things to note about this video.

1. This was apparently part of a Fatboy Slim contest to make a video for his song, “That Old pair of Jeans”. I don’t know why all the videos had to be about juggling. Maybe someone could fill me in. I tried going to the Fatboy site, but the splash page was just to disturbing to continue.

2. Shockingly, this video DID NOT win the contest. The winner was from a professional juggler by the name of Chris Bliss. This has lead to quite the uproar (at least on the Youtube message boards). Depending on whom you believe, Bliss is an incompetent, one-note bastard hackjob or he’s entertaining and his video fits the song better. His version is on Youtube as well, if you are interested in seeing it. Personally, I thought it sucked (although the intro was hilariously cheesy). He juggles like he’s having a seizure. This site explains the crap that is Bliss in more detail.

3. There are also a lot of other video entries for this contest on Youtube, if you are in the need of a way to waste half a day. Some are technically good and really gay and others just suck.

4. I got sick of the song way before the juggling. Be warned. It will stick in your head badly.

Labels: bumrush, video

Mario.. and.. Luigi.

nintendo rules my life.
why, oh, why, must new mario games exist?
the plumber who eats "magic" mushrooms plagues my dreams.
Buy the new game! save the princess!
no one ever mentions luigi, so i will.
luigi. he owns a mansion. he busts ghosts like an italian peter vankman.
mario & luigi, superstar saga.. one of the best RPG's ever made..
i let someone borrow it and i never got it back.
but at least luigi finally got some credit, from the show stealin' mario.
the mario that is all at once super, and... ...mario.



My Hero.

don't eat random mushrooms, they say..
why not? mario does, I say.
don't kick turtles, they didn't do anything to you, they say..
why not? mario does, I say.
don't play with fire, they say..
why not? mario does, I say.
who is this mario.. he is a bad influence, they say.
then I throw a turtle shell at them, bounce on their heads, and eat some mushrooms.
mario is my hero, I say.

Labels: bumrush, pimp daddy

Nick Nolte’s full of piss and gum
Specialized equipment to change his blood
In order to gain nutrients and lose the drugs
Too bad he’ll just buy more
Cars are more fun to drive
When the road is blurry
And the white line can’t stop talking
About your fabulous job in Breakfast of Champions
And why you didn’t want to be Indiana Jones
For godsakes, that’s a fucking role of a lifetime,
instead you whore yourself out to movies
that lack the soul that you once had
Prostitutes charge by the hour

Labels: bumrush

Hey there guyz and galz, it's me: The Pimp Daddy. Sadly, Most of you out there have never heard of me, and that is because I have been on a road trip for the last three years. A road trip that I mistakenly took in my LeCar (word of advice: don't take a road trip in a LeCar). Anyways, let's talk poetry for a minute; let's talk Haiku. 5. 7. 5. Three separate statements, that together form a larger picture. Simple, and efficient; much like my LeCar (or so the ads said). Whilest traveling the country in said EconoCar, I created a new form of Haiku, the "Sneaky Ninja Haiku." (I had the time.. more on that later..) SNHaiku has been sweeping the nation (no lie! [or is it?]) and now, I will unleash it upon the world (and by "the world"; I mean you, the lucky reader of this blog). Without further ado, witness the assualt to your senses known as Sneaky Ninja Haiku (tm)!

A pain in my back.
A sword slices right through me.
don't make ninja mad.

Hai-Yaa! Kung-Fu kick.
Watch as my face bleeds alot.
Damn, sneaky ninjas.

Me vs. ninja.
I know that I will not win.
So, I will not fight.

I watch the T.V.
Ninja trains for many years.
I am so, so, dead.

Well, at least I was able to create this form of Haiku on my LeCar journeys.. Because, even though I was able to get a whopping 40MPG with my LeCar.. it LeBrokeDown in Nevada, and I was LeStuckThere for the last 3 Years. This should be LeCar's new slogan: "LeCar: Drive your Creativity.. Until it leaves you stranded in Nevada for 3 friggin' years!" ..No really, I'm not bitter that I lost 3 years of my life.. Seriously. (Okay, maybe I am.. slightly.. fine, fine.. I'll admit it.. I'm a ticking timebomb of fury. LeCar=LeCrap. 'Nuff Said.)

-Don'tCallItAComebackIWasInNevadaForYears... ThePimpDaddy.

Labels: bumrush, pimp daddy

Connery

Connery, the sexy Scottish wanker
Ages like a wine
He's stood the test of time
His body still so fine

He's Connery, the Rising Sun
Bond, Ramirez, John Connor (not that one)
King Arthur, King Richard, King Agamemnon
And a dripping hot beast named Draco

He's Bald and proud
It's in his head
The ladies have no choice
When he speaks with that funny voice

You'd better call him sir,
The Professer Henry Jones
He drinks from a leather glove
And tunes you up with his thumb

Labels: bumrush, celebrities

Like me, you may have asked yourself at one time or another, who is the worst poet of all-time? In that case, I urge you explore McGonagall Online and the wonder that is the The Tay Bridge Disaster. But, really, is this the worst poem of all time? ... upon further review, it's bad.

The Tay Bridge Disaster

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

Labels: bumrush

A little something crazy from the archives of Cocksman Creek:


Arturo Fonzarelli

Fonzie in real time:

"Bitch, put down my J.D.!

So I banged ya sista...

Ayyyyy - Yo! Bitches."

A dirty nursery rhyme away,

From Joey Buttafuoco,

To Andy Dice Clay.

In the nexus, there is Fonz.

Sanitized: "Ayyyyy!"

Labels: bumrush

Mr T, can't you see
Its not the time for you to flee

So your roles have gone away
and you've seen a better day

Like when you were an A-Team king
With gold chains and gold rings

Tank tops and mohawks were all the rage
You wore tight shorts in your Rocky Days

But Stallone was the fall of you
Because his Yo's overtook your Fool's

Soon your career went very cold
and all your money was spent on gold

No one wanted you to act
and they could hardly take your flak

But don't lose hope, Mr T
You'll always have a fan in me

Even though you're broke and missed
You fill my life with utter bliss

Labels: bumrush

Pimp Limp

Talk to the man
while shaking my hand
Don't disrespect the Pimp

Bitches and hoes
are what I knows
watch me walk with a limp

I need 50 in crack
to keep dem bitches on stack
before I kick you, gimp.

Labels: bumrush