THE BUMRUSH

Courtesy of Jezebel (not a site I read regularly, I swear) comes the greatest Baby Boomer since Disco Stu. That’s right, Hedo Rick wants some of that rippin' and tearing’. That is, after he gets down with that fine ass first.



Really makes you want to take a trip to Hedonism II in Jamaica, huh?

Labels: perverson, stupidity, video

In an impressive judo-like maneuver, Republican representative Joe Barton apologized to BP executives today while they were testifying before the House Energy and Commerce Committee about the oil spill which was their fault to begin with. According to Barton:

"I'm not speaking for anybody in the House of Representatives but myself, but I'm ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday. I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown. In this case a $20 billion shakedown.... I apologize. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, is subject to some sort of political pressure that is, again, in my words — amounts to a shakedown, so I apologize."

So to recap, Barton apologized to BP because the US government was mean to them after BP caused the one of the worst environmental catastrophes in the history of the world. Really, that’s the position he decided to take on this tragedy.

Shortly afterwards, Barton apologized to Adolf Hitler for the way the US Government treated Germany during World War II and Osama Bin Laden for the fact that the US tried to hunt him down and capture him after September 11th.

Labels: news, perverson, stupidity

Stumbled on a great site today called The Big Caption, which puts captions on stuff from the Big Picture to great effect.

Labels: perverson

Seriously, words cannot begin to explain...

Labels: 80's, hulk, perverson

I was pretty excited when I spotted this headline: Dwarf checked in as luggage at Stockholm airport

But my jubilation turned to disappointment when I saw that the act turned out to be a prank for a local television show. I so wanted to believe that there was some extremely cheap dwarf out there who wanted to save a few bucks on his vacation to the Greek Islands and thought he came up with a brilliant scheme.

However, my disappointment turned back into excitement when I found out that the television show that pulled this prank is called “Balls of Steel.” Really. Upon further investigation, there is actually a spin-off of Balls of Steal called “Massive Balls of Steel.”

People may complain about the dumbing down of US television, but last I checked, we don’t have a show called Massive Balls of Steel. We do, however, have it’s cousin: The Steve Wilkos Show.

Labels: nonsense, perverson, television

Time to plan that trip to new York. New York's Museum of Sex (MoSex for short) is currently exhibiting "Sex Lives of Animals," which is a "comprehensive and uncensored look at animal mating habits."

According to this article, some of the "art" pieces you can expect are:

"Deer Threesome'' catches Bambi in a three-way with two amorous stags. Then there's "Gay Dolphin Blow-Hole Sex,'' in which a fin substitutes for the penis. Both partners look happy.

Sorry, you'll have to go to Bloomberg.com for pictures. Also part of the exhibit are "Bonobo Exchanging Food for Sex" and "GG-Rubbing Bonobos." The don't know what a Bonobo is, but he sounds like a happy guy.

Labels: perverson

Nothing gets me all lathered up like a good inspirational poster. It makes my day brighter, puts a spring in my step, and reminds me not to shoot a rocket launcher into a group of my friends. All good things to remember.

Labels: perverson

I hate when bugs get into my house, as I'm sure most people do. But a New Jersey man wanted to get rid of his cockroaches so badly, he actually blew up his entire apartment trying to kill them.

The accident occurred as Maceda was spraying for pests in his kitchen. Somehow the bug spray ignited a blast that blew out the apartment's front windows and triggered a fire that quickly spread.

That sucks, but it sounds like it might be an honest accident. Setting your "friend's" groin on fire when he's passed out, on the other hand, is more difficult to explain:

Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man's groin and set him on fire on Jan. 18. Tuleja had second-degree burns on his testicles.

Labels: news, perverson

It might be time to hand over that t-shirt.

Labels: news, perverson

Say you’re buying some crack cocaine and get robbed of your money by some unscrupulous drug dealer in the process. What would be the first thing you’d do? Vigilante justice? Cut your losses and try to buy some more crack? Well, if you’re Max Minnefield, you’d call the cops to report a robbery.

That’s awesome. I wonder what that phone call was like.

Officer: Hello.
Max: Yes, I’ve just been robbed
Officer: Are you in any physical harm?
Max: No.
Officer: Good. Now, what was taken?
Max: $8
Officer: $8? Ok. What happened?
Max: ...
Officer: Where were you during this robbery?
Max: ...
Officer: In order to file a report, I need to know what happened.
Max: Well, it all started when I was buying some crack...

Labels: news, nonsense, perverson

And why didn’t I become a scientist?

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University recently completed a two year study on the psychological effect that magic mushrooms have on human beings. The research was conducted by giving psilocybin to 36 volunteers and then asking them how it felt. This research is also commonly done at every single college in the world 7 days a week.

Anyway, according to the researchers:

"Even at the 14-month follow-up, 58 percent of 36 volunteers rated the experience on the psilocybin session as among the five most personally meaningful experiences of their lives and 67 percent rated it among the five most spiritually significant experiences of their lives.”

So, there you go. Hallucinogens are good. At least science tells us so.*

* There may have been some caveats and warnings in their findings. I didn’t get much past the word mushrooms in the article.

Labels: news, perverson

It's a problem we've all faced one time in our lives. What do you do when you can't find a baby sitter and you need a new pack of smokes at the gas station? Well, the problem solving man sticks his kids in a cage in the back of his truck so they can't get away while he runs into the store.

It's so obvious, I can't believe I didn't think of it first.

Labels: news, perverson

According to the Daily Telegraph, a woman with an object fetish has "married" the Eiffel Tower.

Erika La Tour Eiffel, 37, a former soldier who lives in San Francisco, has been in love with objects before. Her first infatuation was with Lance, a bow that helped her to become a world-class archer, she is fond of the Berlin Wall and she claims to have a physical relationship with a piece of fence she keeps in her bedroom. But it is the Eiffel Tower she has pledged to love, honour and obey in an intimate ceremony attended by a handful of friends.

No word on who these friends are, but I'm sure that the Berlin Wall was in attendance. They are BFFs after all.

Labels: news, perverson

I love this story: New York man accused of hiding in woman's couch.

Police say a New York man cut a hole in a woman's couch and hid in the carved-out space until she came home. Newburgh police said the woman sat on the couch Wednesday evening and felt a bump in the cushions move. She jumped up and David Joe Limones emerged from his hiding place, knocking a cell phone out of her hand.

Really, the inside of a couch was the best hiding spot he could think of? I'm sure there was a closet in the room. Or under the bed would at least given the guy some breathing room. Also, I'd like to know how long this guy was stuck in that couch for. Was it a half an hour? Or was he stuck in there for like 8 hours while she was at work? It makes a big difference, I would assume.

Labels: news, perverson

For those of you who have been waiting patiently for a worthy reason to vacation in Russia, you're long wait is over. A spa in Zheleznovodsk, Russia has recently erected a monument to the enema. FINALLY!


According to the article, the bronze syringe bulb weighs 800 pounds and is held by in place by three angels (a gift from the heavens?). It cost $42,000 to create and contains a banner that reads: "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas."

Says the spa director, Alexander Kharchenko, "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

Almost? You guys have to try a little harder than that.

Labels: humor, news, perverson

Apparently, based on my build and skillz, I could beat up 25 five year old children. You better recognize! I am a machine.

25

Find a Ultrasound school near you

Labels: humor, perverson

...in China. Fortunately, in Egypt, the top search would still appear to be "sex." In the US, it disappointingly appears to be "Yahoo." Come on, we can do better than that.

Labels: news, nonsense, perverson

"I was sitting around the other day admiring how big my nuts are, when I came to the conclusion that they are somewhere between fairly giant and super giant."

My balls are huge

Hmmm, mine are pretty big too.

Labels: perverson, shoutouts

So wrong and yet so funny. Will Ferrell in the Landlord.

Labels: celebrities, humor, perverson, video

Warning, I would assume that some of these people aren't around with us anymore.



If you like this kind of thing, here are Part 1 and Part 2. (I thought the cat in Part 1 was funny, but again, I hate cats).

Labels: perverson, video