THE BUMRUSH

What should you do when the police bust your illegal strip club for which you hold no permits? Why use the classic plumber defense:

Loud music could be heard coming from the club Sunday shortly before 1 a.m. When police went inside they found a disco ball and night club lighting were on…

The owner of the club, Lawrence Ferrante, was not there but a man by the name of Adam Goodwin was and said he was in charge. After talking with a lawyer, Goodwin told police that the men at the club were plumbers working on emergency repairs and that the women were just bringing them coffee.

Police said they were unable to identify any licensed plumbers or any evidence of repair work being done.

Of course, it looks a little suspicious that the club owner hired dozens of plumbers to work at 1 in the morning, but hey, it's a tough economy and people are looking for work.

But that wasn't even the best line of the article. This was:

A woman at the club, Lacreshia Edgerly, 27, was arrested on an outstanding warrant on charges of negotiating a worthless instrument.

Labels: news, nonsense

A list of 20 things that should not be macgyvered at home. It's a list I happen to disagree with, because everything is better when it's made with love.

Labels: nonsense

In the world of frivolous lawsuits this one takes the cake:

Lindsay Lohan apparently filed a $100 million lawsuit earlier this week against E-Trade for a Super Bowl commercial that they aired about a milkaholic baby named Lindsay. She (and by that I mean her lawyer) citied that she is a one-named celebrity along the likes of Oprah, Madonna, or Borat and that the ad used her name to parody her life and profit off of it.



I mean, how could you not have that opinion after watching the ad? If I had one wish in this world, it'd be that Lindsay Lohan go back a few years to when she was just hot and didn't have to comment on what was going on in this world... and that she and I were friends with benefits. Very dirty benefits.

Labels: celebrities, girls, nonsense

According to this article, “toilet paper researchers” at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute have recently created the world’s first 3-ply toilet-paper. Yes, that is correct. There are such things as toilet paper researchers and they have been busy like Frankenstein making obscene toilet-paper creations in their horrible labs. It actually reminds me of this old Onion article: Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades

We quietly await to hear news about the world’s first 4-ply toilet-paper...

Labels: humor, news, nonsense

I was pretty excited when I spotted this headline: Dwarf checked in as luggage at Stockholm airport

But my jubilation turned to disappointment when I saw that the act turned out to be a prank for a local television show. I so wanted to believe that there was some extremely cheap dwarf out there who wanted to save a few bucks on his vacation to the Greek Islands and thought he came up with a brilliant scheme.

However, my disappointment turned back into excitement when I found out that the television show that pulled this prank is called “Balls of Steel.” Really. Upon further investigation, there is actually a spin-off of Balls of Steal called “Massive Balls of Steel.”

People may complain about the dumbing down of US television, but last I checked, we don’t have a show called Massive Balls of Steel. We do, however, have it’s cousin: The Steve Wilkos Show.

Labels: nonsense, perverson, television

Say you’re buying some crack cocaine and get robbed of your money by some unscrupulous drug dealer in the process. What would be the first thing you’d do? Vigilante justice? Cut your losses and try to buy some more crack? Well, if you’re Max Minnefield, you’d call the cops to report a robbery.

That’s awesome. I wonder what that phone call was like.

Officer: Hello.
Max: Yes, I’ve just been robbed
Officer: Are you in any physical harm?
Max: No.
Officer: Good. Now, what was taken?
Max: $8
Officer: $8? Ok. What happened?
Max: ...
Officer: Where were you during this robbery?
Max: ...
Officer: In order to file a report, I need to know what happened.
Max: Well, it all started when I was buying some crack...

Labels: news, nonsense, perverson

From the latest issue of "stuff you didn't know you needed to know until you knew it."

Poll: Obama beats McCain as barbecue guest

Who the hell comes up this this stuff and can we make them stop?

Labels: nonsense, politics

There's not much more to say than that... You just have to watch the video.

Labels: humor, nonsense, video

...in China. Fortunately, in Egypt, the top search would still appear to be "sex." In the US, it disappointingly appears to be "Yahoo." Come on, we can do better than that.

Labels: news, nonsense, perverson

According to this article, a woman has been banned from driving after traveling less than 10mph on a highway in Bristol, England. According to this woman:

"I didn't intend getting onto the motorway, but all of a sudden I found myself on it and I could not get off, I just panicked. I hate that particular stretch of road and I avoid it normally. It is my nemesis."

A little crazy, right... Anyway,

"I thought "thank God" when I saw the blue flashing lights," she said. "I thought they could help and I asked them if they could drive me home."

When I see the blue flashing lights, my thoughts are much, much different.

Labels: news, nonsense

From Yahoo news: Researchers at the Centre for Public Health at Liverpool John Moores University studied more than 1,000 rock musicians and found they were two to three times more likely to suffer a premature death than the general population...

Thank god we got to the bottom of that problem. How much time did they spend researching this?

Labels: music, nonsense

According to Mingle2, this blog is rated:

Mingle² - Online Dating

That seems a little harsh, I was sure it'd sneak in with a PG13. Can I get an appeal from the MPAA like Steven Spielberg to get this situation taken care of?

Labels: nonsense