THE BUMRUSH

According to this article, “toilet paper researchers” at Georgia Pacific's Innovation Institute have recently created the world’s first 3-ply toilet-paper. Yes, that is correct. There are such things as toilet paper researchers and they have been busy like Frankenstein making obscene toilet-paper creations in their horrible labs. It actually reminds me of this old Onion article: Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That's three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I'm telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we're standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we're the chumps. Well, fuck it. We're going to five blades

We quietly await to hear news about the world’s first 4-ply toilet-paper...

Labels: humor, news, nonsense

As a follow-up to the last Bixby clip, here is another video about David Banner turning into the Hulk for a ridiculous reason...

I DON'T HAVE 25 CENTS!

Labels: bill bixby, hulk, humor, television

What was a Hollywood guy to do during the writer’s strike. Well, if you’re Joss Whedon, you create something called Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. It’s a horrible name, but an awesome concept. Imagine Neil Patrick Harris as an evil scientist who takes on his arch-nemesis in a superhero musical. It’s being release in three acts, and acts 1 and 2 are currently available on www.DrHorrible.com.

And, of course, the trailer...

Labels: humor, nph, video

Bill Bixby For Sanhedrin in the Kentucky Fried Movie (go watch this movie if you've never seen it):

Labels: 70's, bill bixby, humor, movies

The decade of the 1980's is aging like a fine wine. Every year we get further away from the 80's, the more unbelievable and wonderful those 10 years become. What do I mean? This Hasselhoff music video can explain things better than I can. (Try to avoid starring directly at the Hoff's jeri-mullet, it can cause permanent damage to your eyes).



In case you like your Hasselhoff with a little more island maschismo, here's the Hoff's Limbo Dance. You can almost feel Jamaica oozing from his skin.



Finally, the Hoff is crazy for you. Actually, as he mentions about 85 times, he's CRAAAAA-zy for YOU! I'm not quite sure of the meaning of the dog at the end of the video, but it does worry me a lot.

Labels: 80's, hasselhoff, hoff, humor, music, video

For those of you who have been waiting patiently for a worthy reason to vacation in Russia, you're long wait is over. A spa in Zheleznovodsk, Russia has recently erected a monument to the enema. FINALLY!


According to the article, the bronze syringe bulb weighs 800 pounds and is held by in place by three angels (a gift from the heavens?). It cost $42,000 to create and contains a banner that reads: "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas."

Says the spa director, Alexander Kharchenko, "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

Almost? You guys have to try a little harder than that.

Labels: humor, news, perverson

There's not much more to say than that... You just have to watch the video.

Labels: humor, nonsense, video

If you have any interest in baseball (and if you likes your HGH like I likes me HGH, then I knows you do), Fire Joe Morgan is one of the funniest, most interesting, most readable, most greatest sites out there. And in one of their recent articles, they breakdown this ridiculous article in the New York Post that attempts to refute a scientific study which determined that Derek Jeter was the worst fielding shortstop in the league.

An excerpt from Fire Joe Morgan (NY Post’s crap in italics)

researchers concluded that Alex Rodriguez was one of the best shortstops in the game when he played for the Texas Rangers.

This is an interesting finding. I wish I knew more about how the study worked. Just kidding: give me what Mike Birch has to say on the matter. Mike Birch works at Lids, the hat store.

"I don't know what they're smoking down at Penn," said Yankees fan Mike Birch, 32.

Take that, complex statistical study. Birch is insightful and funny. One time he sold me a sweet lid with the Under Armor logo on it. "I don't know what they're smoking"! Classic. Classic Birch.

"It's ridiculous," said fan Jay Ricker, 22. "Jeter is all-around awesome.

"I agree," said Science, 424. "Fuck me, that is a good argument. I might as well not exist. That's it. I'm taking 500 Darvocets. Humans, welcome your new overlord, Jay Ricker, 22. He is all-around awesome."

Ricker added that "A-Rod's only out for the money. For him it's not about baseball, it's just about banking."

Studies have shown that A-Rod is, incidentally, the league's best banker. A lot of people don't know this, but he was heavily recruited by Blackstone and Goldman coming out of high school. Jeter is genetically incapable of using an ATM; he in fact only understands those letters to be the abbreviation for ass to mouth.

Labels: humor, sports

This pretty much explains everything that is great about Matt Damon. It doesn't get much better than him.

Labels: celebrities, humor, video

Chris Berman (who you may know from ESPN) having a breakdown on the set of Sportscenter (NSFW language).

Labels: humor, video

Apparently, based on my build and skillz, I could beat up 25 five year old children. You better recognize! I am a machine.

25

Find a Ultrasound school near you

Labels: humor, perverson

The quality of this video is horrible (tracking! tracking!) but it's absolutely worth a watch simply for the towel whips delivered to David Banner. I haven't felt such pain since junior high...

Labels: hulk, humor, video

More of the very worst movie scenes of all time. You got to love the worst fight scene, right.

And yeah... Pancakes! Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk!!!!!

Labels: humor, shoutouts, video

Worst Death Scene from Enter The Ninja is fucking hilarious. I hope my death is exactly like that.

Labels: humor, ninjas, video

So wrong and yet so funny. Will Ferrell in the Landlord.

Labels: celebrities, humor, perverson, video

I've never been dropped onto a isle of liquor, but I cold imagine it hurts like a son of a bitch.

glumbert.com - How not to rob a liquor store

Labels: humor, video

Via ExtremeFunnyPictures.

Labels: humor, perverson

It reminds me of the time the Maximus bombed his C++ programming final by answering the questions using the phrase, "I am a machine."

Labels: humor

Brian Collins of Ball State shows us how a highlight should not go:



KA-BOOM!! I said KA-BOOM!

Labels: humor, video

Pilotless Drone! From SFGate.com, this is what happens when you let newspaper readers leave audio editorials about whatever is on their mind.

The short (1 minute) podcast of utter insanity can be found here.

Labels: apocalypse, humor